so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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