that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
