there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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