I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
