My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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