Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
