When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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