She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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