dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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