Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
