I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
