She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
