the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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