have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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