Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
So apparently I’m into choking now
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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