I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
