Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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