I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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