i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
