I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
