Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
