I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize