He disabled his match.com account in front of me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize