You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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