OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize