shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
