She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
