come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
