Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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