During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
