Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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