The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
