Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
