My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
