Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
