I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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