He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
