someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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