i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
