I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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