OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
