Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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