it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize