She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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