I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
