In the future we'll all be gay
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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