wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
