while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
