I'm lost and stupid without you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want to be your penis for a week.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
