she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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