I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
