Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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