I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
