the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
