I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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