the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
