If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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