I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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