Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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