Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
