think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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