Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
