i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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