i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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