So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
