You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
