The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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