So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
