Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
