So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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