My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
