It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
