oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
