Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
