No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
