Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize