New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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