Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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