Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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