woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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