At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
time to smoke my breakfast
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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