took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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