and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
