life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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